Friday, March 12, 2010

Beware of Strange Bags of Leaves

So, on the way to Leu Gardens to get our membership the other day, I take one of the back roads through one of the urban neighborhoods. Along the way, I spot the BIGGEST bag of oak leaves at the end of someone's driveway, waiting for trash pick-up. I think to myself, "Hmmmm...if that is still there when I come back, I'm going to totally grab it!"

Once I am all set up at Leu, I take the same route home. Sure enough, the huge-ass bag of leaves is still there. So, I pull into the driveway, pop the hatch on my PT Cruiser, put the seats down, and heave this 55 gal bag of the most beautiful, mulched leaves into the back of the car. It barely fit! And to make it more interesting, the people who bagged it used the most flimsiest bag material ever created. Grocery store bags are tougher than this bag was. Wet wonton noodles are tougher than this bag was! So, it tore a little, but AHA! I put a blanket down before lugging this thing in there....GO ME!

So, I'm just proud as a peach at this point. I hop back in the car and cruised on down to 17-92 to go home. It's traffic light after traffic light, and I knew I had a good 30-45 min to get home. At about the 3rd light, my throat starts feeling gritty, and my sinuses start turning on the water-works, I cough a few times and it hits me....WAIT A MINUTE, AREN'T I ALLERGIC TO OAK????!!!!

I panic like a caged animal. What do I do? Do I pull over and redump? How am I gonna drive 45 minutes with the equivalent of a biological bomb in my backseat??!! My frugal mind says, "Tough it out. Roll the windows down. Take the expressway." So, I do, knowing I'd probably be home in half the time.

So, maybe in my urgency to avoid drowning in my own snot, I might have been going a little fast. Maybe the blasting sound of going down the expressway with all four windows open distracted me. I don't know. But, somewhere between 65-75 mph, a tornado of leaves and dirt erupts from the back of my car. LEAVES EVERYWHERE!

Leaves in the console,
Leaves in the dashboard,
Leaves at supper time!

AND DIRT! Holy shitmotherfuckersonofabitch!!!! I pull over, but the damage is done. The inside of my car looks like a compost pile and I curse a blue streak any sailor would be proud of. Thank GOD I didn't get pulled over by the cops!

So, I get back in the car, roll the windows up to a manageable choking level and s-l-o-w-l-y drive home. It took me over 2 hours to clean out all those fucking leaves with our shop vac and the car will still need serious detailing.

Did I mention my husband gets home tonight from a business trip??? I've got some 'splaining to do!

Oh well, at least this wasn't as bad as the time a package of cheese rolled out from a grocery bag and got stuck under the driver's seat....for a WEEK!


1 comment:

jojo said...

LOL>.. i'm sorry i'm on the floor laughing at this story!!!!

i hope you're better and allergies have subsided. :) it was a great idea.

I'm sure all you have to do is have hubby read this post.


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